Mr. Hook's Hates it When
People Talk During the Movie...


So I'm sitting in the movie theater watching SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, one of the most compelling, gut wrenching movies of 1998 - for the first time mind you - and the film gets to the part where the troops finally track down a certain Private Ryan but they are about to find out that it's not the particular paratrooper they're looking for, and just as the "wrong" Private Ryan removes his helmet I hear behind me a distinctly female voice say "Oooh, he's cute."

I must admit, the remark threw me. I felt like standing up and turning around to track down the owner of that remark so I could get in her face and say "EXCUSE ME!?!?! Hello! You've been watching the same movie I have right? This unit risked life and limb at Omaha beach, still lucky to be alive, then they're ordered to find this Private Ryan chap, they've already lost one man in what is quite possibly an utterly fruitless mission, they think they've finally found the bloke, not sure whether they should feel relief or anger over the fact that it's cost them so much to track down just this one man, and all you can say, the first thing that pops in to your tiny little mind is: HE'S CUTE!?!?! Like that's supposed to make a difference as to whether or not he's worth rescuing in the first place? If this Ryan yokel happened to look like Freddy Kruger on a bad day, would he somehow be less worthy of saving or risking other peoples' lives for? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!"

Of course, I didn't do any of those things, I just sat and stewed for about five minutes, my ability to focus on the film seriously derailed. A minor incident not worth blathering over, you would think, but then that same week I read an artilce by Warren Farrell saying that while he was watching SAVING PRIVATE RYAN someone remarked how "sexist" it seemed that all of the secretaries typing out missing-in-action notices in the war office were all female. SEXIST? Any less sexist than the fact that it was only MEN getting their heads blown off at Omaha beach in the first half hour of the film?

But this is how Feminists and their ilk think. Try bringing to their attention the fact that by and large MALES are the only ones who have risked their lives in warfare throughout all of human history and just wait and see how long it takes before you get insipid comments like "Well it's always the men who start the wars in the first place..." or "Well of course men are more violent to begin with..." I've even heard women stoop to suggest that more women are killed by "domestic violence" in America every year than all the men killed in the Viet Nam War. The fact that this "more victimized than thou" notion is patently untrue doesn't seem to phase them in the least. This particular myth was popularized by Dr. Robert McAfee, past president of the American Medical Association. Now let's see, there were about 55,000 casualties in the Viet Nam War. According to the FBI, Uniform Crime and Statistics, about 1500 women are killed by their boyfriends or husbands each year. The total number of homicide victims each year is 5000. Thus, in 5 years, even if every woman murder victim was killed by a family member, the total would still be one half the number of American casualties in Viet Nam. Hmmm. Maybe Barbie was right. Maybe math is hard - for her.

Well ladies, I've got good news for you. For the past few years all main branches of the U.S. Armed Forces have failed to meet their retention quotas, and this year the Navy even failed to meet its recruitment quota. How many years do you think the U.S. Armed Forces can keep letting those numbers slide before it becomes necessary to re-instate the draft? And when that happens you may just get more equality that you ever dreamt possible, because due to reforms in the draft lottery system, the next great debate over the propriety of the draft won't be about why the poor folks are being shipped off to fight while the rich college kids get to stay home. No, if and when it becomes necessary for Uncle Sam to re-instate the draft, the first order of business will be: how do we persuade Barbie she can pack just as much heat as Ken when she isn't even required to register with selective service! Of course, if you're lucky, you might not have to register unless you're cute.